Title: Acceptable Abuse
Author: Namsam
Publisher: XlibrisUS
ISBN: 978-1-6651-4655-0
Pages: 48
Genre: Memoir, Autobiography
Reviewed by: Susan Brown

Read Book Review

The first thought I had when I saw the title of this book was, what an oxymoron. How
can abuse, in any form, ever be acceptable? I was intrigued to not only understand
author Namsam’s perspective, but to also make sense of why he felt that, in this case,
physical abuse, inflicted by his father, was justifiable.

This short, but intense autobiography, is supported by numerous examples of the
father’s abuse of the author, all of which underscore his primary question: why? Why
under any circumstances would a father resort to physical violence to discipline a child?
There’s a rationale, of course. At the time of the author’s childhood, the 1950’s,
“corporal punishment was acceptable,” he writes. He continues, “The problem is that
there was a fine line between punishment and abuse.” And what the author describes
crosses this line; a father who used his fists, as well as fear, threats and coercion to
ensure absolute obedience to his will.

In an attempt to provide some context to the abuse, we get a bit of backstory on the
author’s parents. Both apparently were considered spoiled by their respective families
which manifested in different behaviors for each. His father demanded absolute
obedience from his wife and children and used humiliation, belittlement and verbal
abuse to get it. His mother’s reaction, voiceless compliance, left her a “fragile, quiet
woman,” who went from being pampered by her family to neglected by her husband.
The author notes about his parents, “I used to get confused when after a severe
beating, sometime Mom would come to me and say, Dad only does this because he
loves you.” In reality, none of their actions made any sense to the author and certainly
didn’t feel like love.

While there is quite a bit of grief and sadness throughout this narrative, there is also
some humor which makes his account easier to take in. Hunger drove the author to
figure out how to snitch a little ice cream from his Dad’s stash using his artistic skills to
swirl the top just like his dad had left it; he emptied canned food and put it back on the
shelf as if it were untouched; he enticed neighbor kids to throw apples from their tree at
him … so he could eat them! There were also good times: TV on Saturday nights; sitting
on his Dad’s lap and driving a jeep; nature walks through the woods. He says, “It’s the
combination of memories good and bad that has formed me into the person I am.”
Sadly, Namsam’s story is not uncommon. His resilience is remarkable though and lends
a great deal of compassion to his story … for his father and, more importantly, himself.
His self-reflection provides a window to his path to forgiveness for a man who
dominated his life. He comes to this awareness, “I do not hate Dad, but I do pity him. He
missed out of so much of life” … and “72 years, and I’m still searching for reasons.”
Although this book is short in length it is long on impact. Namsam gives voice to his
journey that led him to unlock his long-held emotions and feelings about his upbringing.
Acceptable Abuse may not answer the question of why, but it does provide a lesson for
all those survivors of abuse: healing is possible. “To all the victims out there, I’m in your
corner.”

This book has been written passionately from a place of vulnerability that shows the
author’s courage. Great to see Namsam’s voice come alive through every page of this
book. Fellow travelers will find hope and healing, knowing they are not alone. I
reccommend Acceptable Abuse to anyone trying to cope with past/present hurts.