Title: Power of the Flower: A Broken Man’s Guide to Intimacy
Author: James Holley
Publisher: XlibrisUS
ISBN: 978-1664135185
Pages: 130
Genre: Self-Help
Reviewed by: Dan MacIntosh

Read Book Review

James Holley’s book begins as a sort of sexual autobiography, if you will, with the writer
describing some of his early sexual experiences. He was sexually active at an incredibly
young age, as a pre-teen, and the reader is saddened by the impact these experiences
must have had upon the young man. Well, he wasn’t really a young man; in all actuality,
he was a child, and this makes his memories all the sadder. What follows, however, is
less autobiography, and more about the giving of advice. While he focuses on himself at
the book’s beginning, he transitions into giving out love and romance advice, based
upon his own experiences.

Holley calls his book “a broken man’s guide to intimacy.” By the book’s end, however,
the reader gets the impression Holley is broken no longer. In fact, he is quick to point
out along the way all the positives about his current long-term marriage. The biggest
lesson he has learned from his childhood sexual experiences, it seems, is that these
sexual activities were not at all about building intimacy or growing a relationship. Rather,
he had all the sexual prowess of a full-grown man, but not the maturity to understand

the greater purposes of an adult sexual relationship. This stunted growth hampered his
ability to make relationships work because he had been wrongly taught that romantic
love was distinctly separate from sexual intercourse.

Some of Holley’s advice may seem a little bold and unusual to many readers. For
instance, one chapter is titled Watch Porn. And it is, just as it reads, a chapter about
ways to incorporate pornography into a couple’s love life. This is not the suggestion that
partners watch pornography while they’re all alone, mind you, but to watch it together.
The way Holley describes these activities, this porn watching is like an intercourse
research project. Perhaps a couple can incorporate some of what they see acted out on
the screen, into the bedroom. [If you’re of a much more religious persuasion, you might
just want to skip this chapter].

With that said, however, Holley’s biggest aim of this book is to help couples build
intimacy. He doesn’t want partners to have meaningless or dull sex lives. Instead, he
hopes he can help couples grow closer together as they age. Some of these
suggestions are simple ones. For instance, couples should learn to enjoy doing the
same activities together. One example from Holley’s life involves Sunday football.
Holley loves to spend his Sundays watching pro football on TV. As the relationship with
his wife grew and matured, his spouse began watching football with Holley. Now, he
suspects she loves football even more than he does. His main point is that couples
shouldn’t have too many separate, individual activities. The more couples can do as
couples, the closer they’ll grow together. When couples just love being together, even
the most mundane things can be fun.

Much of Holley’s advice is common sense. Even so, we all need reminders about things
we may already know, but don’t always do. It should be noted, however, that Holley’s
book could have used another round or two of editing. There are distracting typos that
could have easily been corrected before the book was published. Also, some of Holley’s
paragraphs are a little on the long side, which is another editorial item a good editor
would have caught and corrected.

Nevertheless, James Holley’s heart is in the exact right place. It’s almost as though he’s
telling us, ‘Do as I say, not as I’ve done.’ Holley has learned – somewhat the hard way –
that there’s more to relationships than quick, available sex. Rather, attaining intimacy is
the ultimate goal in any relationship.