Title: Reclaiming Myself
Author: Lynndel Schuurman
Publisher: BalboaPress
ISBN: 978-1452590202
Pages: 126
Genre: Poetry/ Non-Fiction / Self-Help
Reviewed by: Susan Milam
Pacific Book Review
In Reclaiming Myself, author and poet Lynndel Schuurman uses her poetry to reveal to others and uncover years of sexual abuse. Having unlocked the horrific secrets of her childhood, Ms. Schuurman explores the trauma poetically. Ultimately, she comes to terms with the abuse and, in her poems, proclaims victory over her abuser and her years of suffering.
At the tender age of four, Lynndel Schuurman became the target of sexual abuse. For years, she buried the experiences deep within her psyche. Twenty-five years ago, the trauma began to come back to Ms. Schuurmann in bits and pieces. She remembered being “innocent and defenseless” as “cruel hands” ravaged her. As a child, and again as the memories return to her, Ms. Schuurmann wondered if she deserved the brutality. In the silence that followed the events, the little girl felt used, abandoned and robbed of her innocence. She longed to be remembered, heard and seen. As a woman, Ms. Schuurmann continued to feel burdened by feelings of shame, guilt and unworthiness. Only after more than two decades of turmoil did she find her way to self-forgiveness and reclamation of her worth.
Reclaiming Myself encapsulates the myriad of emotions brought on by sexual abuse. Ms. Schuurman expertly captures the voice of a scared little girl who grows into a confused and hurting young woman. She is no less adept at portraying the assured and triumphant adult she eventually becomes. Bit by bit, Ms. Schuurman recalls the perverted actions that destroyed her childhood. She never flinches from examining the feelings the perversion caused inside of her. The four-year-old’s disjointed memories of abuse and shame make the reader want to reach out and give her the comfort and safety she craves. Still, while portraying her abuser’s exploitation, Ms. Schuurman never crosses over into prurient examples of the abuse. The events are all the more devastating because of the nuanced ways in which they are described. Additionally, although wracked with pain, guilt and loneliness, she never plays the victim. Even at the author’s lowest ebb, her poems are marked by a lack of self-pity and undergirded by her steely strength. The reader roots for Ms. Schuurman as she works her way through the emotional wreckage left by the abuse. The triumph of the book’s closing poems speaks to the endurance of the human soul.
Reclaiming Myself is a powerful illustration of the healing power of literary art. Ms. Schuurman regains her self-worth and triumphs over evil in part by examining her emotions through poetry. Readers will be moved as the poems lift Ms. Schuurman from the depths of despair to the heights of forgiveness, not just of herself, but of her abuser as well. Even folks not generally given to reading poetry will find themselves drawn in by Ms. Schuurman’s journey from abuse to triumph.
