Title: The Clouds Are Big with Mercy
Author: Alicia Adams
Publisher: AuthorHouse
ISBN: 978-1438911373
Genre: Non-Fiction / Self-Improvement
Pages: 148
Reviewed by: Barbara Bamberger Scott
Pacific Book Review
In this emotive work by Alicia Adams titled The Clouds Are Big with Mercy, the suffering from an undiagnosed mental disorder is chronicled, along with the triumph of overcoming the worst effects of that battle and recapturing a stable, forgiving viewpoint.
At age 14, the author was assaulted by strange, fearful, almost violent thoughts. As time passed she was gradually assailed by such attacks on an almost continual basis, affecting her physical health and leading to deep depression. When she tried to tell her parents about them, her mother withdrew, leaving her father to deal with the problem. This only intensified the girl’s sense of guilt and fear, driving her to ritualistic behaviors and thought patterns which made the intrusive thoughts worse. Consultation with a church leader fortuitously led her to a diagnosis of OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – and a growing understanding that the unwelcome thoughts were a result of biological brain dysfunction, not an indication of her sinful nature. By the time she was in her late twenties, with medication, friendships and counseling, Adams chose a career as a paraprofessional teacher working with developmentally disabled, and especially autistic children.
Adams has composed her book in a most engaging and intelligent fashion. Her personal recollections, told in third person for most of the narrative, are interspersed with scientific and psychological information and data to explain and support the experiences she was undergoing at each phase of her disorder. It is a fascinating device for revealing the facts behind her often puzzling, discouraging feelings and behaviors. She has also set forth the extreme dissonance between her genuine suffering and her father’s false accusations in a surprisingly rational, ultimately forgiving context. Her account clearly illustrates the acute doubts and missteps associated with OCD and with her learning disability/autism, all of which could have been handled more sensitively under different family circumstances. Her profession now enables her to reach out to others at an early age when some amelioration and compassion will aid them as they mature. Adams has held on to Christian values, but sees them in a new light, not as a justification to condemn others who are different from ourselves, but to understand and help them.
Adams states that her work has dispelled the depression she labored under for so long, and has given her “purpose, confidence, and the joy of using gifts I had not known I possessed.” The Clouds Are Big with Mercy will appeal to those who have overcome similar barriers, and those who, like herself, find a calling in assisting those among us who are differently abled and worthy of our care and concern.
