Title: The Incredible Shrinking Men: Disabling the Patriarch Within
Author: Dr. Ryan J. Seidlitz
Publisher: Palmetto Publishing
ISBN: 979-8822947337
Pages: 330
Genre: Society / Psychology
Reviewer: David Allen
Pacific Book Review
According to Dr. Ryan J. Seidlitz, and according to the far-reaching vision he presents in The Incredible Shrinking Men: Disabling the Patriarch Within, toxic masculinity is the downfall of men, of women, of cultural institutions, and of American society. The evidence he culls, and the way he presents it, is absolutely compelling.
The book starts off with a spot on analogy, a reference to a 1950s B sci-fi flick, The Incredible Shrinking Man. Turns out that film was remarkably prescient in its metaphorical slant on many things to come. When it comes to toxic masculinity, we are all losers. Toxic masculinity is the poison brew that divides ‘the men from the boys.’ It is also the source of destructive fantasies men have about themselves, about what they need to be doing in this world, and about their female partners, their girlfriends and wives. We are churning out one generation after another of men who cannot nor will not express their feelings (because they never learned how, or they saw others shamed for doing exactly this). So men, in their emotional vacuum, turn to other means of expression: partner abuse, cheating, war, sports betting, drugs and alcohol…very much the same territory described by Gabor Maté in his books on addiction, whom Dr. Seidlitz cites extensively.
Dr. Seidlitz is a compassionate scholar, in addition to being a Doctor of Social Work. Part of his genius in writing this book is his authenticity. He has no problem with self-disclosing. We learn, to our dismay, grief, and amazement, that his marginal relationship with his biological dad was supplemented by a surrogate one with a mentor, who, being human and driven by human needs and frailty, let him down as well.
According to this book, the ripple effects of toxic masculinity are legion. Seidlitz’ writing is ultimately sympathetic, discursive; like sitting in a class with a beloved teacher. Dr. Seidlitz makes a point of calling out the contemporary champions of toxic masculinity such as celebrity announcer/podcaster Joe Rogan. Seidlitz’ outcry gets Incredible Shrinking Men extra points for relevance and timeliness to contemporary issues.
There is so much in here that a review can only skim: toxic masculinity and spectator sports; ‘the father wound’; the source of all this later grief for men; the connection between so-called ‘hegemonic masculinity’ and violence and power; the sources, consequences, and meaning of porn (which the author boldly admits having resorted to from time to time); and last but not least, a message of hope that learned behaviors like these, effectively killing our world, can be unlearned.
The only reservation I have concerning this book is how do we get Joe Rogan followers to read it? The book is brilliant, it is the work of a compassionate scholar and humanist. How do we get people (i.e. men) other than childless cat ladies to read it? This question is purely rhetorical, because this book is the most explicit and articulate statement on these issues.
Dr. Ryan J. Seidlitz takes a bold look at the internalized forces of patriarchy that shape modern masculinity. Blending psychological insight and personal reflection, this transformative book guides readers on a journey to disarm the inherited scripts of domination and rediscover a deeper, more authentic self. A must-read for those ready to dismantle the patriarch within.
